Just Another Guy Trying Not To Be Just Another Guy

Anders, 21
Norway
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I guess I'm just a good guy, trying to do good things. Sometimes it ends up as a big mess, thought, that's what you get when you are human. One last thing, in German my name means different which is a description that fits me well.

Become the wolf.

I’m going on a job interview tomorrow afternoon. I really hope it goes well, a job would be a nice change of things right now. I’ve got nothing to lose, right? I’ll trim my moustache, put on a nice shirt and my black pants. Shit it’s hard to find jobs right now, I’ve been searching for too long.

Also I’ve been slightly sick for about 3 days, my throat and nose is a bit off, but otherwise I’m fine. It actually sounds a lot worse than it feels. My body is doing well against those damn virus/bacterial invading bastards, beating them back and all. I like that.

My plan was to stay at my parents house for the summer, then leave to go studying. However, I didn’t know what I really wanted to study and ended up messing that up.

Then the Norwegian Army sent me a nice letter, but I wasn’t too fond of that so I asked to be transferred to the Norwegian Civil Defence because I’m a pacifist. Last week I got a confirmation that the application was accepted… BUT in this year the Civil Defence is shutting down, which mean my original plan is all kinds of fucked up right now. I found this out today, because I live under a fucking rock.

I’m still at my parents house, which in the broader perspective isn’t working well honestly. The lack of personal freedom is shitty, considering I’ve lived 2 years alone. I need to find a job somewhere quick and get the hell out of here! And next fall actually study something that gives me a real job in the future. I have some serious thinking to do.

Well today is going straight to fucking hell

My plan for today was to take the ferry to Tromsø and meet my former room-mate, he’s there only this week. I woke up around 5am, which means I only slept for about 3 hours, because the damn ferry left around 7:30am. I was short on cash, so I visited the nearest bank to get some. Shit hits the fan, I fuck up and fail the PIN-code three times and the MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MACHINE EATS MY CARD. Now I have to wait until monday to get it back, and hell I can’t go to Tromsø…

FUCK THIS DAY SUCKS.

FHIWEBUF

I actually want to wear a jacket because for once I look alright, to hide it. My logic is fucking stupid. I’m going out to drink and it’s been too long since last time.

Fucking silly North-Norway, daylight all day and all night in the summer. I need the dark to hide and stuff…

My damn knife betrayed me today

I was just cutting some sprues with my knife, when it slipped into my finger with force. Spent one moment just looking at the wound, before it started to bleed a fucking lot. Ran to find something to stop the bleeding while going into shock, then almost passed out and I couldn’t see anything. Shouted for some bandages, my parents helped me. At this point I was really pale and sweating like hell. 

It all happened so fast. Now I just hope it doesn’t bleed more when I change the bandages soon. I’ve learned a lot from this, never experienced anything like this before. Now I know how other people feel in these situations in the future, and how to help them.

My flatmates have eaten my fucking food AGAIN, what the hell. Half of it is even in the garbage, fucking stealing bastards! Oh, I can’t wait to see what they have to say in their defence tomorrow! I’m tired of these fucks messing with my stuff.

I still miss you, what the hell is wrong with me? I don’t know what to do. It’s too bad you live so far away.

How can you not love this movie, I just saw it. Also, my eyes acted weird and stuff, I’m not really sure what happened. Without it my childhood would be a lot less, I’m so happy I finally could see it again.

How can you not love this movie, I just saw it. Also, my eyes acted weird and stuff, I’m not really sure what happened. Without it my childhood would be a lot less, I’m so happy I finally could see it again.

I will most likely fail my first midterm tomorrow. Looks like I have to do the whole semester all over again. I just want to put things right again, because the whole situation is just ridiculous.

I need to write this down, maybe everything will be a bit easier.

We left and said goodbye in May last year, after living in the same house and going to the same school for a year. I was heartbroken, because I lost some of my closest friends that day. I live on the other side of the country, which makes distance my worst enemy.

We talked on skype and facebook. Sometime before christmas, I suddenly out of nowhere started to get stronger feelings for her. Before the reunion thing in january, me and my friends naturally started to contact each other like crazy. She called and we talked a lot, it was really great and I could barely stop talking. When we finally met again, it was pretty strange and amazing at the same time. I was stressed out by some other stuff, so we didn’t spend too much time together, but still decent amount of time still. She also asked me something I didn’t expect at all. It made me think. When we said goodbye, I felt terrible. Her smile was incredibly beautiful.

Now I can’t stop thinking about her, it’s crazy. Everything is confusing. I don’t want to fuck up a good friendship, so I’m laying low. However I fear nothing will matter because distance will fuck up everything anyways. I kind of don’t want to see her again, because I may say something stupid and mess up everything. This means the end of our friendship, but yet again distance may do that for me. I sure as hell won’t tell her how I feel, because that would be fucking stupid. I feel trapped.

Sorry I needed to get that out of my head. I’m terrible at explaining anyways.